Welcome to Crucible of Thought! I'm Brandon, and I was a member of conservative evangelical congregations for 45 years. This blog is about things that I've learned since 2020, as I've been undergoing a process of "deprogramming," "deconstruction," "reconstruction"... pick whatever term you want, but basically a process carefully examining many different aspects of my social, political, and religious beliefs to see what really actually aligns with the Bible and specifically the teachings of Jesus, more than what aligns with the host of dogmatic statements I inherited in years of church training. I'm not trying to persuade anyone: I'm sharing my process, in the hopes that it inspires and enlightens others. I welcome you to join me as we move forward in our faith together.

A Different Kind of Testimony

Some kinds of testimony probably do more harm than good. Too often, a story about ourselves comes across as an accusation about the other, and actually harms our witness. We can do better.

Subjective Truth

I’ve been in an interesting place for a while now, trying to come to grips with a God who turns out to not meet my old expectations, and watching a lot of people who call themselves Christian act rather unlike the Jesus I read about in the Gospels. So I’ve been thinking hard about the nature of truth, and the nature of the Bible itself.

Trajectory

Upward arrow

The Bible portrays a complex, changing view of God. To find the Truth of who God really is, I need to follow the trajectory of God’s self-revelation to humanity.

There is Joy in Disconnection

When we learn to release what other people think of our doctrine or politics or God, there’s a real joy and freedom. I may be feeling betrayed, but I’m also feeling released and freed.

Betrayal

Betrayal causes a trauma response in humans. Institutions, not just people, can be the source of betrayal. A normal human response to betrayal trauma is to disengage completely from the institution. That’s where I am in relation to several institutions I previously trusted and depended on for my identity.

Never Forget

I will never forget what was done to the US on 9/11. But I also think it’s well beyond time to repent of our response, and Never Forget what happens when a people collectively lash out in anger and fear, and vow to do our best to never repeat that mistake.

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