Welcome to Crucible of Thought! I'm Brandon, and I was a member of conservative evangelical congregations for 45 years. This blog is about things that I've learned since 2020, as I've been undergoing a process of "deprogramming," "deconstruction," "reconstruction"... pick whatever term you want, but basically a process carefully examining many different aspects of my social, political, and religious beliefs to see what really actually aligns with the Bible and specifically the teachings of Jesus, more than what aligns with the host of dogmatic statements I inherited in years of church training. I'm not trying to persuade anyone: I'm sharing my process, in the hopes that it inspires and enlightens others. I welcome you to join me as we move forward in our faith together.

Check out the Crucible of Thought YouTube channel

My Journey /

Recently I’ve been recording some interviews and conversations with some interesting people, and posting them on the Crucible of Thought Spotify podcast and YouTube channel. You can find the YouTube playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9Ul79w-MZ073ad6ljhsnOW0zl25umKXx Check out my latest conversation with Rick Pidcock, who I’ve followed for some time on various social media platforms, and in particular […]

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How a Very Straight White Conservative Evangelical Christian Man Became Affirming

Deconstruction, Gender and Sexuality, Justice versus Oppression, Racism /

How on earth did I, a conservative evangelical straight man, ever become affirming? There were many reasons and steps in my journey and process; although it felt like an avalanche or landslide at times, it was worth it. So I wanted to share my story to give you hope that it’s really okay to tell God that yes, you’re willing to change and repent if God asks you to.

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The Calculus of Faith

Church, Evangelicalism /

Working out our faith shares some similarities with an esoteric and advanced form of calculus called “transforms.” Sometimes to solve a problem, you have to do the hard work in a completely different reference frame, and then transform the result back into our day-to-day frame.

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Be Being Born Again

Deconstruction /

I recently realized that “born again” was the perfect description of my deconstruction and reconstruction. My faith doesn’t look much like it used to; it’s been such a dramatic change that it really feels like being reborn. But being born again is an ongoing process – “be being born again,” continually.

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Safety in Numbers?

Church, Deconstruction /

The idea of finding safety in the long history of doctrine from the time of the Gospels until today is a false hope. The history of Christianity is much more messy and shaped by secular forces than I would like. I have to be comfortable with what the Holy Spirit is doing in my own mind and heart, even if it requires me to step away from a place of perceived safety, and to set aside some doctrine that my tribe was taught was immutable and eternal.

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The Fruit of Hell

Evangelicalism /

(Listen to this post on our Spotify podcast or watch it on our YouTube channel!) Over the years, I’ve learned how my mind processes new data, and I’ve found that I’m a combination of an early adopter and a late adopter. Specifically, I tend to be slow to actually accept that I’ve changed my mind,

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A Conversation with Dr. Miche van Essen

Gender and Sexuality /

“Miche like quiche,” as she says. I’m very pleased to bring to you an interview with Dr. Miche van Essen, of Transmission Ministry. I learned about her through Zach Lambert, after my interview with him in a previous episode of this podcast, and after watching some of her content on Instagram and other social media, was very interested in speaking with her. She graciously agreed, and we had a wonderful conversation for about an hour. I could easily have continued on, as I had so many more questions than time would permit, and I hope you’ll find this conversation just as stimulating as I found it to be. We covered a range of topics, from ethnic identity and assumptions, to queer theology and intersectional theology, and it was deeply enlightening.

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The Conditional Power of Testimony

Deconstruction /

What’s the difference between a powerful testimony, and a sad story that we perceive as condemning the one who experienced it? Often, it’s only our dogma. We listen and swing from “that’s amazing” to “that’s horrible” in moments, based on our preconceptions of how valid that story is. Maybe, though, we can learn quite a bit from people whose stories don’t fit our existing framework of understanding.

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